This may sound a little strange, but sometimes, if one of my kids hurts themselves by doing something stupid, my first reaction isn’t empathy and showing concern for their pain… it‘s anger that they didn’t listen to me to NOT do the stupid thing in the first place.
I should be clear… if they got hurt because of a true accident (i.e sans the stupid act), I‘m all empathy. I should also add that the degree of the “hurt” makes a difference as well… like if they ran their bicycle into a barbed-wire fence because they were standing on the seat juggling blindfolded, which I’ve told them NOT to do time and time again, I’d be all about the empathy and making sure they’re ok before I lay on the “I-told-you-so”.
So it’s the not-so-serious hurt that I get angry about, and I caught myself and thought that maybe I could improve my fathering skills in these situations.
And I did.
We now have a rule that all three of them are very clear on:
If I warn you not to do something, and you still do it and get hurt, you’re not allowed to cry.
Period.
And it works.
You’d be amazed at how tough kids really are.
A couple of weeks ago my almost-4-year-old was zooming around on her scooter. She was doing great, but I told her she should put on wrist protectors, knee pads, and elbow pads.
She said she didn’t want to. I invoked “the rule” and warned her.
She came flying around a corner, hit a pebble, stick, hose… whatever… and the scooter tilted forward and she slammed down on the ground… hard.
Like, there was a resounding “oooohhh” from everyone who saw it. She looked up, stared right at me, and got back up and kept going… and I KNOW that had to have hurt.
Her pride to PROVE that she didn’t need to listen to my advice was more powerful than the pain.
It’s amazing.