I recognize that through my life I tended to focus on the positive, and quite often FORGET the negative. Call it an existence of rose-colored lenses, if you will, but it made for a pretty happy life, no matter how disconnected from reality it may have been. I’m sure for some people seeing things “as they are”, or not just seeking the positive in something may have its merit, but my thought on this with regard to kids is… let them feel the security of a wonderful world for as long as they can. If you want to get straight to the morsel of advice, jump to the last paragraph now. If you enjoy a little rambling, continue on.
My wife and I were asked to be on a panel about parenting during Covid-19, and to provide guidance as to how to make it a not-so-traumatic time for our kids. First off… let me be clear: I’m not going to pretend to know the best way to raise YOUR kid. What works for me, works for me (if it didn’t, I’d keep trying something different until I found something that DID which brings right back to, “It works for me.”).
I’ll share here what we shared on the panel. My kids have, for the most part, been totally sheltered from the impacts of the virus. While their school closed the week before spring break, which was supposed to be the week of the ONE vacation for which I had actually planned an ungodly SIX frickin’ months in advance (I digress) …this, by the way was truly unheard of for me… the normal process of planning vacations was usually: me learning that the school was going to be closed the next week, me running into a panic about having to do SOMETHING, and me scraping something together to make us feel like we took a vacation (I continue digressing- I’ll stop now).
So the kids’ school closed in mid March. We are fortunate, because we live in the suburbs, the kids have a yard, it’s a quiet neighborhood, so we could all go on scooter/skateboard/bike rides and not be around other people. They have each other, so they have interaction, even if it’s not with their buddies from school. I could go on, but the point is, in the grand scheme of things, they’re rather fortunate.
But we also made it a point to never watch the news around them. We didn’t dwell on it or voice stress about what was happening in the real world. I did the grocery shopping while the kids were busy with school work… I NEVER took them to a place where they would see people wearing masks… because to be honest, it kinda freaked ME out. Here we now are 3 months later, and with things “reopening”, they can start attending their Tae Kwon Do classes again… but it’s different now… and masks have to be worn- which can be made a fun thing or a scary thing. They only know which it is based on how you act about it.
I think I had a point in mind when I started to write this post, but with my scattered brain and it’s constant digressions, I think I may have completely lost said point.
The Point
Maybe it’s just this: Age appropriate info is key. Four-year-olds don’t need to know all the scary dangers “out there”. There are ways it can be explained to a Seven-year-old without freaking them out. Your kids feed off of your energy, and will duplicate it. You act scared or talk about scary things, they’re gonna be scared. You act confident, and put things into a fearless perspective, they won’t think much of it.
Love this Greg! I don’t have kids nor do I want to but it’s a great perspective for how to approach life for anyone. Thanks for sharing. 🙏
Let me begin by saying that although your blog (which has so far, captivated my curiosity), is Intended for the paternal/father/male parent, it can also be appreciated and enjoyed by mothers as well. I’ve had the opportunity and privilege of being a single mother. Playing the role of both mom and dad. Now, please don’t misunderstand or interpret my initial description of being a single mom as a privilege as a fellow rose colored glasses wearer or the always focusing on the positive and forget the negative person you described yourself as being in your intro.
Unfortunately, it took me some time to find my rose-colored glasses. When you are put in a situation that is clearly not what you intended and are required to play 2 roles (mother and father), It is a natural and rational response to see the negative aspect of it such as the difficulties, challenges and unforeseen collateral damage that a divorce leaves. Now, add the fact that despite your best intentions, and actions to have this separation of parental unit not affect your life and most importantly your child’s life, you see that your efforts are futile and you must put on your big girl pants and played 2 roles. Playing 2 roles when the father doesn’t want to participate isn’t easy. Neither is making your child’s innocent world seem like nothing has changed and its business and life as usual.
I admire your positive outlook on life. Although negativity is clearly evident and alive all around us every day, the proverbial glass should always be half full despite half-empty mentalities/possibilities are inevitable.
OK, let’s see if I could get to my point. Now that of been able to see from both sides both negative to positive and experience what it is to raise a child on my own and then be blessed to have a had a second chance at love and motherhood, I can appreciate both experiences. I guess that’s the whole point of all my rambling about negativity verses positivity.
Now on the subject of age appropriate information. The need for us parents to maintain a happy and healthy, plus nurturing and protective environment for them, we also need to use whatever scary, challenging and “out of the norm” situation into a teaching opportunity. If we shelter them too much and don’t take the time to explain things to them “OUR” way, They will eventually hear and learn about events from outsiders who may not explain it the way we see fit. I much rather them hear it from us rather from the outside world (which honestly, scares me much more than this pandemic). Misinformation, negativity, uneducated forward slush ignorant delivery systems are not what we want for our children to learn from.
Age appropriate info is a sensual but the info needs to be given to them by us. Who else better to educate our children than us as their parents and guardians. At least by educating them, we can rest better knowing that they heard the right information for most 1st and avoid any confusion or fear they may experience should they hear it elsewhere which is inevitable my friend.
I do agree with you wholeheartedly about the fact that children feed off of our behavior and actions. This is the one thing we as parents can “shelter” our children from. No matter what may be going on Hill cider homes, it is crucial and our responsibility to maintain harmony and a healthy balanced environment at home. Many parents don’t realize or believe that their children here, feel or understand what is being said at home. They are sponges and mirrors. They absorb everything and reflect all that these see/hear.
This is the only kind of “sheltering” I truly believe in. Home is safe. Family is security and love, but the world around us isn’t. They need to know what is going on outside (again, age appropriately of course), but only if they have understanding of the good, love-filled, balanced and consistent strong foundation and security of home.
I really hope this all made some sense coming from a mother of 2 daughters and grandmother of one.
**Great idea on this blog. It’s very thought provoking and much needed. Your topics are on point.